It seems that I was ready for this semester to be over just days after it started. I have struggled with maintaining focus and motivation. In my pause this past week I have done a little self-analysis and reflecting. Although I am not sure what the exact cause of my restless is, I have some ideas of what my be contributing to it.
Contributor #1: Outside of my instrumental lessons, I feel that I have had only one class this academic year that was insightful, truly interesting, and made me feel better prepared to be an educator. While there have been some interesting moments in other classes, the majority of the time has felt like space-filling busy work. Too many hoops to jump through...I am beginning to feel like a circus poodle.
Contributor #2: I have spent so much time focusing on the hoops that I have developed a micro-perspective. I have spent too much time spent focusing on my "doings" that I have neglected just "being." While I was productive during the lull of the past week, I also spent a whole lot of time doing whatever I felt like- even if it was nothing at all. I had coffee with Molly and Rick. I spent some time with my brother on Saturday. I visited my parents yesterday, mostly hanging out in my Mom's studio marveling at her craftiness and chatting. I lost myself in design blogs and the Ikea website- daydreaming about a new apartment and what I would do if I actually had money for decorating. Sigh... I almost forgot how wonderful daydreaming can be. I did crossword puzzles, went running, and took time to sit and be still with my thoughts. Lovely.
Contributor #3: I have not been minding my temple. I did some serious damage to my body with drive-thru during the two weeks of opera insanity. Although I have fairly healthy eating habits, they have not been stellar lately. You know you have mistreated your body when you develop an indescribable craving for brussel sprouts and polenta for dinner. I must be more mindful of what I am putting into my body. My new food mantra is honor your temple. This not to say I will not indulge in a slice of cake from time to time- just to be more respectful of myself on a daily basis.
Contributor #4: Related to minding my temple- I do not move enough. I began running again a little over a week ago, and my body has definitely admonished me that for not using it the way it was once accustom to. I must make time to run and practice yoga like I once had. I sleep better, my mood is improved, and I am *gasp* more focused when I have sufficiently moved about.
Contributor #5: My Muffin and I need to move. Our upstairs neighbors are obnoxious to the point where they have affected how I feel about my home. Home should be ones sanctuary, where one can rest, feel at peace, and commune with loved ones. Sadly, my heart sinks a little when I see their vehicles in the parking lot. In their defense, the ceilings are a bit thin in this building. However, it is no excuse for being incredibly loud (music, people over, or other adult activities) until 3 or 4 a.m. on a Tuesday. Sigh... Our current apartment is cute and functional. I cannot complain- everything works in the apartment. However, I think we need an apartment where my Muffin can have a workspace that is not in the bedroom. I think it can greatly affect how one rests when you know you have a pile of work sitting at the foot of the bed. I would like a little corner all to myself for reed making, practicing, and crafting. I don't need a whole room, just a nook. I think a two-bedroom would be perfect. I don't care it the second room is super tiny- as long as my Muffin can fit his desk and bass within I am happy. We've starting looking for new places in the city- Yay! However, we are where we are until the end of July. Only 4 1/2 more months- not too bad.
Contributor #6: My impatient nature. I am not a stagnant person. The progress of classes, my career, my finances, and my living situation has made me feel like I have been treading water for the past 7 months. I am staying afloat, but I am certainly not going anywhere. I know that change will come in time. We will move this summer. My Muffin will start new work. I student teach in September. By this time next year I will be polishing my resume and searching for jobs. Change will come, and I must learn to be patient. It will be worth the wait.